Friday 8th May – Profiteering does not equal business genius.

I’ve been feeling more nauseous than usual lately.

And for a nice change, it’s not just my cooking that’s to blame.

Go me.

Whenever I’m watching the TV which, as I already explained, is pretty much constant at the moment, I have noticed a rather unsettling trend.

Maybe it’s just me.

Maybe I’m just being a bit cynical.

Am I just being a Negative-Nancy?

Possibly.

(Also, sorry Nancy).

Anyway, back to the source of my nausea.

It’s the TV adverts.

They’re frankly, a teeny bit disingenuous.

On the surface they’re being all “Oooh, visit our website and find fun stuff for your kids to do” or “Oooh, buy our hand-wash because it totally kills everything that isn’t you” or “Hey, you’d better buy a new sofa because The-Virus had to travel thousands of miles, is totally jet-lagged and has probably gone for a nap in your front room, which is probably well dangerous and that”.

Sorry, did I say disingenuous?

Silly me.

What I actually meant was epically exploitative.

Creatively speaking, I bet there’s been a pretty steady theme in the pitch sessions of advertising agencies around the world lately and I don’t know about you, but it’s not just a little bit distasteful.

It’s an advertisers wet dream.

Trust me, somewhere on the globe right now there’s a career crazed millennial scratching his head trying to come up with a way to spin the sale of vaginal lube into a critical safety precaution against The-Virus.

It feels a bit scrawny to me for organisations to be making bank off the back of this pandemic situation.

And some of the organisations aren’t just making a bit of bank, they’ve literally stuck a saddle on The-Virus and are gonna ride that money-pony until it’s put back in it’s stable sweaty and spent.

Think Amazon.

Think Netflix.

Think remote working tools like Zoom.

Think UberEats.

Jeff Bezos of Amazon has increased his personal fortune by 24 billion as a direct result of a global population who are imprisoned at home, terrified that they might join the couple hundred thousand folks who have died, alone and in agony at the mercy of The-Virus.

And fair enough, these businesses are there to make money, I get it but, if a notable increase in profits can be attributed to the pandemic, (and I think we can safely call a 24 billion dollar banking experience notable) I’m not sure we call that savvy business skills.

I think we call it racketeering.

For me, a bit of profit is all gravy, these guys were in the right place at the right time and I haven’t got a problem with their business having a bit of a pay-day, but come on people.

There’s a pay-day. And then there’s a full-fat Piggy-Pay-Day. 

In the US, for example, there’s a charity that pays off the medical bills of those that had the bad luck to go and get sick when they couldn’t afford medical insurance.

Given that the pandemic is a medical issue, how many citizens of America find themselves in that very situation right now?

Jeff, mate, these are your fellow countrymen.

Step up fella.

And this goes for all businesses as far as I’m concerned.

Here’s the very simple equation that’s appropriate here:

Take current revenue. Deduct operating costs. Deduct any tax burden. Deduct a like for like profit margin on figures for this time last year. Deduct a bit of a bonus for the business and whatever’s left.

Find some worthy causes and start cutting cheques.

Because vampirically sucking a fortune out of the veins of The-Virus doesn’t make you a captain of industry.

It makes you a greedy twat.