Wednesday 8th April- How smashing: China’s having a party

Well, if I may just say so.

Fuck off China.

While the rest of the world’s health services stagger under the weight of the admissions, patients and deaths they are battling.

While bereaved families across the globe mourn the loss of loved ones, who, in most cases, died solitary deaths hooked up to ventilators in some distant hospital bed.

While our Prime Minister is still in St Thomas’ Hospital, on oxygen, as his pregnant partner waits anxiously to find out whether her unborn child will ever meet its father.

While economies crash, while the vulnerable elderly sit in solitary isolation and cases of domestic violence surge across the planet. 

China decides to hold a mother-freakin’ light show.

To celebrate that they’re all groovy over there.

Lockdown lifted.

Crack open the bubbly.

We’re alright Jack.

Whether it originated in some sketchy Wuhan laboratory or whether it originated in some vile Wuhan wet market, I think we can all agree, The-Virus originated in China.

And instead of feeling a teeny bit responsible, instead of exercising a bit of sensitivity and tact. Instead of waiting for the world, as a collective, to defeat The-Virus, for the day when every exhausted country can cheer and celebrate ‘Victory over Virus Day’ they have the utterly unspeakable cheek to whip out the bunting and throw a party.

I personally sat, bundled up in blankets, clutching my hot water bottle, crucifix and holy water (as has become my custom since I became infested) and watched their joyous merrymaking with my gob, well and truly, smacked.

Pass me a sick bucket.

And if that’s not bad enough, they’ve reopened their airports.

So they’re back on the move.

Business as usual.

Cosmic.

The only consolation I can take from this sorry excuse for a situation is that, at some point in the not too distant future, we too will defeat The-Virus and we too will celebrate ‘VD Day’ (Victory over the Disease).

Coronavirus, not Syphilis.

Just to be clear.

Anyway, ‘VD Day’ will be the mother of all ‘keglers’ right across the planet.

Yes, we too will have a party.

And China.

You’re not invited.

Although, if the transmission of filthy diseases counts as a party favour.

Maybe we could squeeze you in.