Sunday (Monday. It’s Monday) 7th May. What will she say next???

The Pointless-Cretin strikes again.

We have an arrangement, him and I, that I’ll try not to screw Annabelle up for the majority of the time, and he’ll try not to screw her up every other Saturday.

So yesterday (due to Bank Holiday rescheduling) was his day to step up to the plate.

Unbeknownst to me however, he was unable to ‘work’ because he, most recently, had her for two Saturdays running due to the Jessie-J concert one week, and the next week because of her birthday, which fell on the 20th.

On that basis, he explained to her yesterday morning, he was in fact going to be taking this weekend off to get his chill on.

I did try to call him back to squeakily protest, but his line kept cutting out.

The Teenager retrieved the phone from the hedge at the bottom of the garden after my fifteenth attempt to get through, and pointed out that perhaps Pointless-Cretin was in an area with bad reception.

So, to summarise, on one hand he’s now taking days off in lieu, but on the up side, there’s a real and distinct possibility that he might actually be stuck in a tunnel.

Fingers crossed.

Elsewhere, and on another part of the farm, I seem to have been struck down with a nasty case of the ‘Oh-Shits.’

Predominantly bought on by the fact that, in an unintended and completely unforeseen turn of events, people are actually reading the 2010/2011 diary that I laughingly put on Amazon as a bit of a dare-slash-bet with my good pal, Work-Friend-Simon.

I’ll take that ‘Oh shit, people are actually reading it’ and raise you one ‘Oh shit, who have I insulted in it.’


If you are one of the many, many people out there who are heartily wishing they could go back in time and stop my parents ever meeting, please take comfort in the fact that I have learned my lesson, am contrite and never again shall my pen become a sword of sarcastic, piss-ripping-chuckles.

On that note, I shall leave you with the woman who has gone straight in at number one on my ‘Does-She-Know-We-Can-Hear-Her’ top ten of ‘choke-tastic-what-will-she-say-next,’ spotlight-hungry, crayzeeeees.

Nadine Dories.

Long may she keep saying stuff.