Friday 6th January. Turtles, dolphins and mermaids.

I’m a bit worried about Iran.

Actually, I’m proper worried about Iran.

There’s been bits and pieces about it in the press but obviously, Frankie-Coke-Up-The-Nosa has gone into the Celebrity Big Brother house so he’s been hogging the headlines a bit.

Anyway, back in the Persian Gulf, the Iranians have closed down the Strait of Hormuz which is apparently the route through which a large percentage of all oil bound for the west travels.

Those crazy kook Iranians are busily playing an advanced version of ‘Paintballing’ which involves the usual shooting stuff, but in the Iranian game they also blow stuff up and test fire cruise missiles.

The United States had a task force of ships (and that) floating around the area. As far as I can gather, the task force wasn’t nosing about or trying to big itself up or anything like that.

It was minding its own business, pottering about looking for distressed turtles, dolphins and mermaids to rescue when for no reason at all,  Iran, who’d obviously mistakenly put its Cranky-Pants on that morning, suddenly told the Americans to ‘do one’ and not to come back.


Well, it’s caused a bit of a kerfuffle which the UK has now waded into.

I must admit, I’m surprised that England and America take turtle welfare so seriously, but they obviously do, because both of them are getting pretty narked about being told to stop doing it, take their ball and sod off home.

Well now it’s going from bad to worse.

The Iranian team have issued a warning, and the US and UK has shouted the diplomatic equivalent of ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire.’

The United Nations meanwhile, is standing in the middle with its arms folded, threatening both sides with detention if they don’t stop bickering and play nice.

Meanwhile, as long as Iran and the west continue to shout stuff like ‘he started it’ and ‘It’s not even my game’ at each other, it doesn’t bode well for the issue of stability in the Middle East.

When you factor in the fact that those nut-job Iranians have a pretty advanced nuclear programme, it really begins to make you think that maybe we should all be a tiny bit bovvered about it all.

And as well as all that, who’s looking out for the turtles?

That’s what I want to know.