Friday 10th June

Peace reigns in the single-mum household.

The Teenager claims to have seen the error of his ways and has decided that a life of grime is not for him. As quickly as the hormonal rebellion of 2011 began it has, according to the word on the stairs, subsided.

Whilst heartily relieved at his sudden change of heart I am also aware that, just as the peaceful epicentre of tornados have fooled many a mid-western American farmer into believing that the danger has passed, flinging open the basement doors and dancing a celebratory hoe-down-style-jig at this point may be a tad ‘rapid’.

I’ll keep the Lambrini on ice until I am sure that the Tasmanian-Teenager has actually left the building.

Whilst however, we are on the subject of rude, stroppy gits, I sure did enjoy watching Fiona Bruce attempting to interview the ‘Duke at 90’.

I’m no royal correspondent, but to the untrained observer, it seemed to me that Fiona’s fairly innocuous questions were being met by the Queen’s Consort with what looked very much like, pig ignorant bloody-mindedness.

Maybe he was actually just being an old rascal, who knows?

But when, for example, his Smugness was asked how he felt people perceive the success of the role he has carved out for himself, his reply was to snigger, shrug and explain that (and I quote) “I couldn’t care less”.

Prince Charming has obviously been too busy insulting everyone to be aware who has been picking up the tab for all of those free lunches of his.

I know, I know, he’s old and being paraded about in a golden coach is probably not all it’s cracked up to be. As the royalists are always telling us, being a member of the Windsor family is a bit like being a Virgin Atlantic air hostess, the uniforms look well glam (and that) but being on your feet in those heels for hours are, no doubt, a bunion-inducing killer.

It’s practically inhumane what the poor bugger has been through.

Human rights violations aside, the Duke of Smirk has never had to work for minimum wage. He has never been threatened with redundancy or the loss of his home. On that basis, I for one find his patronising indifference to what the people of this country might think of him, rather rude.

Maybe I’m being unfair. Maybe he was simply acting ‘in character’ for the cameras. Maybe when the cameras stopped rolling somebody shouted “and….scene”. Maybe then he relaxed, maybe he let his belt out a few notches, kicked off his shoes, grabbed a can of Carlsberg and started telling ‘knock-knock’ jokes with the crew.

On the other hand, maybe he just doesn’t give a monkeys.

If I were a betting woman, I know where my money’d be.