Sunday 25th April

Since Annabelle went to Ex-husband Andy’s yesterday, I innocently decided to treat myself to a bacon sandwich and the opportunity to read the paper in peace this morning, by driving into town and ordering it from the helpful staff at Sainsbury’s. 

On arrival, my slow progression through the queue meant that it was 11.35am by the time I reached the till and the assistant who, clearly drunk with power, informed me that at 11.30am precisely the menu changes to the lunchtime menu of which bacon sarnies are most decidedly not an option. 

A rather heated debate ensued which involved the Team Leader (she proudly imparted this nugget of info whilst simultaneously pointing at her name tag) explaining that the Sainsbury’s group have a zero tolerance policy to the supply of tasty breakfast treats after a prescribed time.

This, she said, is to ensure standardised service across the country. The implication being that the unregulated and haphazard supply of bacon sandwiches at inappropriate times of the day had caused Sainsbury’s problems with their customers in the past. 

If, she said, I was telling the truth and had ever been served bootleg bacon after the curfew it was my duty to name and shame the slacker who sold it to me. She nodded firmly as if to draw a line under the matter and gestured triumphantly at the lunchtime menu. 

Feeling a little vexed at this point it was with great delight that I noticed that there, large as life, on the lunchtime menu was the All Day Breakfast. Further questioning revealed that yes, bacon was a component and that yes, bread also makes an appearance. 

Team Leader Jobsworth seemed to forget how to operate the till as she entered my order for one All Day Breakfast (hold the beans and sausages) and appeared to be punching the keys rather than pressing them (as I am sure the company handbook advises).

With a look that made me strongly suspect that I was going to be eating a ‘sneezer’ she hurled my metal table number at me.

As I sipped my latte and waited for my contraband breakfast I made a mental note to ask Tedious Tina if she has a relative that works for Sainsbury’s.