Tuesday 20th April

Woken up at 5:30am by a very excited and newly 8 year old Annabelle. 

Presents had to be opened immediately, if not sooner and as a result my recollection of the whole opening ceremony is pretty hazy. I remember a lot of mess and a great deal of shrieking but cannot be any more specific than that.

Attempting to detach a Moxie Doll and all the teeny-weeny accessories from the cardboard backing to which they have been variously screwed, sellotaped, wired and glued, with a knife (because someone has lost the scissors) when you quite patently can’t see is so stupid, it’s very nearly a dare. 

Continuing my run of bad luck, I arrived at work just in time to catch Tedious Tina holding court again. Today’s lecture was on the subject of her thwarted plans to travel to Barcelona this weekend. Apparently she is reluctant to travel in case she is unable to get back.

To their credit several people tried very hard to urge her to go ahead as planned but she could not be persuaded. 

It looked alarmingly like she was going to begin the story again for my benefit so, in an evasive move, I foolishly suggested making coffee’s for the whole office. The phrase out of the frying pan springs to mind. Clutching their list of requirements I headed in the direction of the kitchen and conscientiously checked each name off as I fulfilled each order. 

As it turns out, I was correct in my suspicion that I had completely zoned out during orientation yesterday because when it came to handing out the drinks, it became pretty clear fairly quickly, that I hadn’t the faintest clue who anybody was.

Faced with the dubious prospect of admitting to people that had already been kind enough to share the most intimate (and let me just add, in some cases, frankly terrifying) details of their personal lives that I hadn’t the foggiest who they were, I opted for the ‘just put any cup down on any desk’ approach.

In a conciliatory gesture, I did make a point of locating each person’s drink mat and carefully placing their cup on it which earned me lots of smiles especially from the old ladies. 

My devious plan was going swimmingly until I got to Tedious Tina who pointed out, very loudly, that the drink I was trying to palm off on her couldn’t be hers. The reason she knew that, she triumphantly explained, was that her cup (she has her very own) has cats on it.

Her stony glare indicated that some prompt action was required but, suppressing my initial response, I gave in and went in search of her cup instead.